Pong Kombat Story FAQ
See Version With Images
Attention:
White Paddle of the Pong Lao cult
invites paddles of all... well, colors,
to compete in a tournament of
Pong Kombat
The contest will be held on
a number of cheaply drawn VGA screens
on some schmuck's computer.
Grand Prize:
$1.34
and a plastic cup
Blue Paddle:
Intro:
Master of the ancient art of altering
time and space to suit his whimsy,
this paddle gets by on energy blasts,
vortexes, and other neat looking
special effects. He's allergic to
shellfish and likes telling bad puns.
Ending:
After winning the tournament
and defeating the somewhat nasty White
Paddle, Blue Paddle decides to market the tournament in
computer-game format. However, he loses his shirt, (if paddles
wore shirts), when he makes the unwise decision to make the game
486-specific requiring 4 megs of RAM and 25 megs disk
space. Now he works as a doorstop for Bill Gates.
Green Paddle:
Intro:
Master of the bow and arrow despite
a lack of arms, Green Paddle is a
formidable archer. She (yeah,
paddles -do- have genders) is hoping
to use the prize cup to store pencils
in, and use the money to buy a soda.
Ending:
Green Paddle uses her
trophy cup just as she
wished to -- to store pencils
in. She retires from the PK
circuit and becomes an award-
winning fantasy novelist, with a
series about a female archer who
retires from fighting and becomes an
award-winning fantasy novelist and writes
about a female archer who retires from
fighting and becomes an award-winning... etc.
Purple Paddle:
Intro:
Originally a plate spinner, Purple
Paddle now spins razor sharp discs
of fury. (Well, maybe not fury, but
they are quite perturbed...) He
desires the prize so he can brag to
everybody who said he'd be a nobody.
Ending:
Purple Paddle, having defeated the others in a tournament of
mortal pong, decides to use his new title to take over the
world. He enslaves humanity and crushes every living thing
in his path. Have a nice day.
Red Paddle:
Intro:
Paddle of shadows and eye-wrenching
teleportation tricks, Red Paddle zips
here and there kicking paddle butt
for the movie cameras. None of his
movies have done well, and he's
hoping to promote 'em with the title.
Ending:
Red Paddle's victory is told
in a zillion newspapers and
news specials, giving him the
movie promotion he desires.
He films Pong Kombat and its
many sequels, until a horrible
stage accident renders him
Deformed. Now he acts as a
part time super-villain in
Gotham City.
Yellow Paddle:
Intro:
The twisty-wisty Yellow Paddle is
an expert in all things sinusoidal,
and just loves to flaunt his skills
in geometry and paddle-stomping. He
desires the prize because he has
nothing better to do with his degree.
Ending:
The Yellow Paddle,
now triumphant over
all other paddle-like objects, hocks his trophy for
ten dollars and purchases a
bottle of whisky. He begins a drunken tailspin into obsurity,
and never resurfaces.
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